Why I’m Only Buying Donald Trump Products From Now On

Remember when people were allowed to have unpopular opinions without hundreds, if not thousands, of completely innocent employees losing their jobs?

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Disclaimer #1: I’ve honestly been a fan of Donald Trump for most of my adult life. I love his books, I still own many of them, as well several Trump University CD collections. I find his advice to be uplifting – nothing motivates me more than his story of Lee Iacocca crying on his phone like a big pussy over a failed real estate deal.

Disclaimer #2: I can’t really afford much of what Donald has to sell, as I am quite middle class.

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You know, just yesterday I was mocking Donald Trump for his atrocious comments about Mexicans. For those who missed them, here they are again:

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Since then, Univision dropped his Miss USA pageant, NBC dropped “The Apprentice” franchise, and now today, Macy’s is no longer selling his clothing or fragrance because 700,000 people signed a petition.

Really? A petition? Were these 700,000 lining up to buy his clothes before he made the comments? Did these petition signers want all the people who design, manufacture, and market his products to suffer financial losses because Donald Trump says dick things?

And why are people so mad that he said dick things? That’s a big reason the guy is famous (and will never be POTUS) – he’s a dick! That’s why America loves “The Apprentice.” We love watching him fire people, preferably while pretending to shoot them with his hand.

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Look, I totally understand any consumer being offended by his comments who was going to buy one of his ties and then opted not to out of disgust. That’s a first amendment right and the dollar is the ultimate vote. But a petition isn’t a vote. It’s a meaningless threat. One that takes jobs from innocent people.

Personally, I was offended by Trump’s comments. I was offended by Paula Deen’s comments, her courtroom testimonies were an insult to black people. And now the black people who worked for her lost their jobs. I’m glad I can now buy her awesome spices and cookware for dirt cheap, but it seems like a shame that such a franchise could be shattered to pieces through the assholery of one thoughtless person.

I was offended by Phil Robertson’s (Duck Dynasty) comments in his notorious GQ interview, even though that interview was developed with Drew Magary, the writer I wish I was. But you know what? Boo-fucking-hoo. So I won’t invite Phil to a gay wedding. Does that mean I want his show cancelled? Hell no. I didn’t watch Duck Dynasty before he made the comments and I still would never sign a petition to cancel a program I don’t watch because some guy I never heard of said things that pissed me off. It’s his God damned American right to piss me off.

And good for A&E for keeping Duck Dynasty going after many petitions calling for its removal. Good looking out for your producers, work crews, and all other off-camera employees who earn their living making that stupid show. I still can’t sit through an entire episode, though.

 

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