Myths of MGTOW

MGTOW is a whole lot more than just the dumbest acronym you’ve ever heard of (pronounced ‘mig-tau’). It’s a fresh new take on misogyny where men avoid women in person while bashing them online. MGTOW stands for “Men Going Their Own Way,” which I’m guessing they had to use because MWPNTCAWBSATFTBATIOF (Men Who Pretend Not To Care About Women But Spend All Their Free Time Bitching About Them In Online Forums) was already taken.

I first learned of MGTOW, the Manosphere, and PUAHate last year when Elliot Rodger, a 22-year-old virgin, shot and killed six people and injured 14 others in California because he was butt-hurt about not getting laid and was jealous of his college buddies who seemed to have an easier time with women.

Since then, I have been fascinated with this movement and have read countless Facebook posts, sneaked into forum discussions, and listened to dozens of faceless YouTube videos where these MGTOW guys ask you to “swallow the red pill” (thus, ruining The Matrix) and learn the truth about the world.

But when it comes to MGTOW, truth is in short supply.

MYTH #1: MGTOW IS NOT A HATE GROUP

Members of MGTOW would like you to believe that they are not hateful or angry, and that their choice to avoid women is based in logic. Their mantras go something like this:

• The system is stacked against men, especially when it comes to child support, custody, and alimony.
• There are no benefits to being with a woman, so why bother?
• Pretty much all women are manipulative, disrespectful, gold-digging, (insert despicable stereotype here), etc. But it’s not their fault. That’s just how they are biologically, and you can’t change it.
• MTGOW is a healthy celebration of men and men’s rights.

If MTGOW was truly about male empowerment and protecting/advancing men’s’ rights (and there are already great groups that genuinely do that), they would not need to spend so much time on the Internet putting women down.

Let’s face it, the moment that you say “all (insert entire race/religion/gender here) are (insert unflattering stereotype here), so let’s avoid them or treat them in a certain way,” you’re preaching hate.

It’s like the KKK. If you don’t care about other people seeing your browser history, go visit their website at KKK.com. They don’t sell themselves as a hate group either. They’re “The Knights Party.” Doesn’t that sound neat? Their slogan is “Bringing a Message of Hope and Deliverance to White Christian America! A Message of Love NOT Hate!” It’s just white pride, people. No hate to see here.

However, as a pasty-faced whitey from the Midwest who’s known and encountered her fair share of KKK members and sympathizers, I can tell you that they don’t spend hardly any time promoting white pride. They’re not trying to build statues to white heroes. You won’t see a guy in a white hood at the local fair trying humbly to sell you artisanal mayonnaise or a velvet Elvis (aka, the cuisine and artwork of his people). KKK members do not gyrate awkwardly in GAP stores trying to demonstrate native dances.

Nope. Because once you venture off the official website, KKK clearly spends their time putting down basically anyone who isn’t white, Christian, or straight. Of course, many KKK members still deny hate. For example, Daniel Carver, a former Grand Dragon of the KKK and a frequent guest on the Howard Stern Show, insists that he doesn’t hate black people. He just basically thinks of them as monkeys and lesser animals who are not human and cannot help their behaviors.

MGTOW has the exact same attitude towards women, only they’re not as savvy as the KKK, who at least avoids trash-talking on their website.

MYTH #2: THEY GO IT ALONE

There are a few people in my life, both men and women, who completely suck at relationships. Everyone has at least one friend or relative who clearly suffers from psychological issues that prevent them from picking or keeping decent partners. That’s fine. Monogamy isn’t for everyone, marriage isn’t for everyone, and certainly having children isn’t for everyone.

A lot of men have been gong their own way for years, and I’m not even talking about the gay ones. Some even do it accidentally by getting into death metal or comic books in a big way. There are notable celebrities who avoid committed relationships with women – Henry Rollins and Bill Maher spring to mind. Choosing to restrict yourself from committed relationships is perfectly fine. Heck, you may be doing the world a great big favor.

But getting online and blasting 50+% of the population, accusing them of being domineering, selfish, or crazy, is not independence. It’s hate.

It’s worth noting that many of the younger MGTOW members are obviously hoping their new-found independence will somehow make them more desirable to chicks. What color is the ironic pill? Purple?

Spend time in their forums, and you will see some hilarious posts from men who clearly have no idea how to have normal relationships, and treat women like a bad drug addiction they need quit cold turkey. My favorite, was from a guy (let’s call him Bob) who went MGTOW for three years, decided he needed sex with a hot chick 12 years his junior, and then let her move in with him two days later. This girl likely had another boyfriend, which worried Bob, because he was pretty sure he was in love, having known this girl for nearly two weeks. Instead of advising Bob to see a shrink, or learn basic relationship pacing skills, his ever-supportive MGTOW pals all said things like, “See?!? That’s how ALL women are. Dump that slut immediately and stop being such a mangina!”

Which brings me to my next point…

MYTH #3: MGTOW CARES ABOUT MEN

MGTOW only cares about MGTOW men. If you are a guy who is kind to women, would maybe enjoy a committed relationship, or even *gasp* get married, they will call you a white knight or a mangina. A mangina is a “feminized, pussy-whipped loser who actively seeks a woman’s approval hoping he can get into her pants.”

MYTH #4: MGTOW HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH LOGIC

Let’s be clear. There is no MGTOW research institute. They don’t offer statistics or facts to back up any of their points. In fact, MGTOW.com endorses the use of sweeping generalizations: “Generalizations are absolutely necessary in order to learn anything.”

Many MGTOW videos, like this recent one posted by Sandman actually urge their followers to ignore facts and statistics (they’re all a conspiracy in red pill world), and focus more on emotional experiences. If a woman did this, they would surely label her irrational and hysterical.

In my own personal experience, about 80% of the straight women I know earn more than their men, make as much as their men, or live on their own without a man’s financial support. If I were to make generalizations based on my own myopic experiences, I could boldly state that most men are slackers who don’t have as much to offer as women do. Do you want to see that web site? Of course you don’t. You know why? Because we all know that’s not true (I am a white knight for the men folk). Generalizations are completely useless and a good indication that the person relying on them has no idea what they’re talking about.

Here are the actual facts MGTOW would prefer to ignore or deny:

• Women are the breadwinners in nearly 50% of all US households, up from 40% in 2011.
• Despite also being breadwinners, women still spend twice the amount of time with their children than their fathers do, even in married households.
• Gender bias in custody cases is actually pretty rare.
• Of course, women are far more subject to male violence, including rape.
• Pretty much every study finds that men cheat more.
• Believe it or not, women are better drivers.
• More women attend college, and when they do, they get better grades.
• Women still do the majority of housework.
• Married people live longer than single people, and men reap the most health benefits of married life.
• Men are less likely than women to seek mental health help, which is why I’m guessing some of them turn to MGTOW in the first place.

So rather than making false assumptions based on stereotypes and relying on generalizations of bitter men who hyperfocus on the negative female experiences they have in their life, allow me to reiterate the facts:

Women are breadwinners nearly half the time, despite the fact that they still do the majority of housework and child-rearing. They are becoming more educated, making higher wages, and like men, are becoming more inclined to stay unmarried.

It would seem women have already been going their own way for quite some time. So why are these guys so desperate to assert even more independence? Perhaps instead of extolling the virtues of swallowing red pills and valuing generalizations over facts, these MGTOW fellows should try to get more boys into college.

MYTH #5: MGTOW HAS REDEEMABLE SOCIAL VALUE

Of course it doesn’t.

It could. It could be a great champion for men’s rights, spotlighting male domestic abuse, and driving better educational opportunities for boys. Or it could act like an alcoholic support group where members share their best tricks to abstain from something they can’t handle. This is a good example, because you don’t see alcoholics just sitting around and insulting liquor – they realize the problem lies within themselves. But MGTOW members, like all people who don’t accept their own role in failed relationship patterns, will never grow into anything but resentful, and maybe even violent.

If MGTOW started out with good intentions, it has now certainly devolved into a movement of extremely angry men set out to alienate anyone who does not believe what they do. They just rant about terrible women and the men who love them. Just like Elliot Rodgers.

Unfortunately, the one truth that MGTOW leaders get right is that this is a growing movement. Since 2009, MGTOW organizations have grown tremendously, as have their online presence.

I shudder to think what impact this movement will have in the future.

I prefer to remember the good ole’ days before the Internet. Back then, if you had bad experiences in life, you would share them with immediate friends and family members, most of whom would provide diverse perspectives derived from their very different experiences. Eventually, you would get over yourself and rejoin society, hopefully learning from your mistakes.

But now, you can take your negative experiences, share them exclusively with others who share those same experiences, making new friends who offer no differing viewpoints and can only pile on the animosity. No healing or growth takes place. Just venting to the point of isolation from normal society and spending all your time online with people who can’t help you keep your inner asshole in check.

And we all need people to help keep our inner assholes in check.

Even me.

Sigh.

Hand me a blue pill.